Free Form Responses: Reunion Perspectives for Natural/First Mothers in Closed Adoption

The Summary to the survey can be found here.

These are the free form responses from 118 of the 156 respondents. The final question to the survey asked, “Is there anything you would like to add about how reunion with your son/daughter has affected you?” These are the answers:

 

 

The arents have a lot of control over her. Amom sabotaged
11/25/2018 5:54 PM

It is a pain that cannot ever be resolved. I am now 84 years old and there isn’t or has never been a day that I have not regretted my decision. I grew up in an era where it was shameful to be unmarried and having as society called it a “bastard”. I have and envy the women who had the courage to keep their babies. My involvement in various adoption groups has given me a great insight on how our relinquished babies feel and have fared with the whole mess. I feel and think society should work more at helping (not only physically but emotionally) ways and means and most of all acceptance of we 1st Mothers keeping our babies. Adoption is just another way and means of securing more $$$$$$$$. Shameful
11/25/2018 5:22 PM

He moved back to our hometown over 10 years ago with his wife and my one granddaughter, who is now almost eleven. Since then, they have had four more grandchildren for me to love, ages 1, 5,7, and 9. I am very close to the grandkid’s and they are also very close to younger son’s three boys, their cousins. 🙂
11/12/2018 6:47 PM

A person considering relinquishing their child should know that it will a decision that stays with them every day, for their entire life. I’m 77 and it can still make me cry.
11/9/2018 10:17 PM

It has helped heal us both. Especially my son knowing the truth.
11/9/2018 2:23 PM

I thought reunion would be a magic wand. That it would fix everything. But the magic wand is as farfetched as the unicorn farts and fairy dreams adoption is painted as. I would have thought after years of reunion the relationship would be further along than it is. I see so much damage in both of us that reunion can’t erase.
11/8/2018 2:51 AM

I feel extremely lucky that the parents were receptive to adding me to the family and never felt threatened by our relationship. This has lead to a smooth and happy reunion
11/7/2018 2:12 PM

Other than placing her for adoption, my reunion has had more impact on my life than any other event including marriage, and the births of four other children. Over two years in I am still reeling from the effects of it. Nothing could have prepared me for the emotions I feel.
11/6/2018 8:22 PM

it doesn’t only effect me…. but their entire family….siblings cousins etc.
11/3/2018 9:17 PM

Reunion has filled the hole from the loss of my first child. It has had it’s ups and downs, but overall, very positive. I have an amazing granddaughter from my daughter and I was there in her life from day one. She carries my maiden name as her middle name. I learned to accept that my relationship with my daughter can never be the same as with the son I raised, but we have a loving and supportive relationship and are a constant in one another’s life.
11/2/2018 8:26 PM

Placed two sons. Both sought me while I was searching for them. One reunion was easy & flows. The other has always been tense and full of unspoken rage. Tried to get it verbal, but son denies any feelings about adoption.
11/2/2018 7:25 PM

I love my daughter unconditionally. After a reunion of more than twenty-eight years, it is as good as it can possibly be. I am blessed to have her in my life. My feelings of sadness and joy intermingle on a daily basis. She is almost 55 years old, and the pain of losing my baby has never gone away. I have a beautiful, loving “friendship” with a wonderful woman who is my child, and acknowledges our relationship as such.
10/30/2018 6:17 PM

It’s been tough. It did force me to go back in time and resolve emotions I had put behind walls.
10/30/2018 12:40 AM

It has torn me apart emotionally. The more I learn, the more upset I get.
10/28/2018 12:51 AM

I feel that we both are starting to heal. We are trying to establish a relationship and its going well. it sure hasn’t been easy. It takes work and dedication to your child. I will never leave her ever again! I am soo happy my prayers wer answered. Thank you Jesus!
10/27/2018 3:14 AM

Sad and happy at the same time.
10/26/2018 8:04 PM

I was not prepared for any reunion, and only acted with emotion. It’s been eight years since our son contacted us, and it is absolutely devastating how this is still is having a major impact on our daily lives. Time does not heal wounds. Reunion provided no sense of peace, it only was a reminder to us how strong the parent/child bond can be, and that is why everything feels so disconnected. We did not experience life’s events as “normal people”. Adoption is based on loss, and people do not wish to acknowledge it in any form. So much for mental health! Guess we will continue to try and pretend like all is ok!
10/26/2018 1:59 PM

There is so much trauma that comes from adoption! Me living for yrs with horrific pain and my son (whom said, the other kids and cousins teased him about not being a real person in their family) struggles with self esteem issues! My heart breaks for what he feels because I had no other choice but adoption because of being young and no support from family.
10/26/2018 3:13 AM

Made me feel complete and whole!
10/25/2018 11:52 PM

It was and is a roller coaster ride. I have been and still am in counseling for this big mistake I made in my life. I am trying to forgive myself for all the bad choices I made in my life, and I tried to mask my pain and sadness with self medication. I am currently in recovery and taking one day at a time. My birth child is a somewhat angry, unhappy person, and superficial person. She is also my raised daughter’s full blooded sister. I am not sure I would have searched if my raised daughter had not found out she had a sibling. I pray that one day all will be forgiven and forgotten and we can be one happy family. It has affected my birth daughter terribly that I had another child with the birth father. He was older than I and didn’t want anymore children…I was all alone. At one time, birth daughter and I were closer than we are now. That is why it is so hard for me, because I never know where I stand with her. Thank God I have a loving spouse and I am thankful for that.
10/25/2018 11:10 PM

It is like getting a second chance to know my baby and see that she was placed into a loving home.
10/25/2018 8:33 PM

It has completely changed my life
10/23/2018 7:41 PM

It is early days, just a few months, since the reunion. I feel lucky that the timing was good for us and we have had a positive experience.
10/23/2018 6:41 PM

I am calmer andi have found myself drinking, less. No as much pain to kill
10/23/2018 4:28 PM

It made me regret ever placing him for adoption. He had abandonment issues. We both had holes in our souls/hearts and lives that we tried filling with drugs, sex and alcohol.
10/23/2018 2:28 PM

Found out she was angry with me and wanted to hurt me. I think she still does not understand that I could not have kept her in that day and time
10/23/2018 1:16 PM

Reunion is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was totally unprepared but have held on by my fingernails, never ever letting him go again no matter how tough the going gets.
10/23/2018 11:08 AM

Adoption has impacted every family relationship I have. It has had a lifetime impact on me and my husband. I feel deep sadness and loss that will never be fully resolved. I feel lucky to know my lost daughter. I wish it were easier for her. She has developed an easier closeness with her two full siblings. All of us have lost out from adoption. My relationship with my own mother has been strained. She cannot understand the pain or depth of my loss and we’ve been mostly estranged since reunion. I think infant adoption is cruel, particularly to mother and child, and should only be a last resort. Family preservation is so important. I wish someone had supported me and my boyfriend, now longtime husband, in keeping our daughter. We always loved her and never wanted to lose her. It is heartbreaking.
10/23/2018 4:01 AM

It has disappointed me that she appears not to want any emotional intimacy with me. It’s intetesting the assumption that it would be otherwise at the time she went to be part of her adoptive family. I’m heartbroken but adoption was still the best plan for both she and I. She’s only 29 – I tell myself there’s lots of time yet.
10/23/2018 2:31 AM

The idea that I would recommend reunion changes over time. I would recommend therapy or counseling before the journey as I had been unaware of the unresolved feelings (anger, guilt, shame, deep sadness) that seemed to come out of no where.
10/22/2018 3:28 PM

My daughter had a horrible adoption experience. The sadness and guilt I deal with at times is overwhelming, but I am someone that understands that I cannot change history. I can love and appreciate what we have now and be there for her whenever she needs me.
10/21/2018 8:41 PM

Reunion, though the most positive relationship I currently have experienced is the most challenging and takes the most effort. It takes so much commitment and honesty and constant reassurance and open communication with each other. No matter how positive the reunion, it is difficult to move past the overwhelming loss, the never-ending list of life experiences missed. I deeply regret not having parented my child.
10/21/2018 8:39 PM

Realized I was just a dumb little girl. Spent most of my life feeling shame, guilt, and lack of confidence due to the “secret”.
10/21/2018 4:42 PM

We are currently (after 12 years of reunion) going through a serious crisis that may result in estrangement. The survey does not address issues related to grandparenting our son/daughter’s children.
10/21/2018 4:41 PM

The ripples and upheaval go on and on. On balance I am glad reunion happened though it has brought many challenges, some unresolved.
10/21/2018 10:26 AM

It made me double down on efforts to reform adoption, preserve families rather than separate, and give adoptees rights they have been denied for decades.
10/20/2018 11:40 PM

Well it caused me to attempt suicide, created huge divides in my family so my mother died unable to acknowledge she hadnt done the best thing ever in organising his adoption – she expected receive accolades for the great thing she did. My marriage is ended and i am estranged from my grandchildren so all in all it was the 2nd worst thing to happen to me, with being forced to agree to adoption after threatened only alternative was fostercare because i was young and single, being the 1st worse. I now have not much at all, no money, no home, little contact with my raised son as there is no support or counselling here that comes close to understanding anything.
10/20/2018 11:00 PM

In the last 34 years, we’ve had ups and downs, rejections, acceptance; it’s not been a smooth ride!
10/20/2018 6:15 PM

My daughter’s unresolved issues with adoption keep us from having a close relationship. She prefers an email relationship only…. no phone calls and limited visits. Visits happen only when I pursue one and then she is a nervous mess. Therefore, I do not pursue visits any longer. It’s obvious she does not want me as a “family member.” I just try to be a friend now. Very sad for me.
10/20/2018 3:38 PM

Because it has been 48 years, discovery and subsequent correspondence has been emotional and has definitely changed my life. I am relieved to know that he had a great childhood and family, and that his own family today is loving and close. I feel very thankful! I eant only the best for him. Should he decide to cut off communications, then that is something I will understand. I imagine that it is really hard for him to reconcile the notion of “two morhers”, one of which is a complete stranger to him! He doesn’t deserve the mental confusion. I actually weep when I think of him as a little boy, wondering about me and why I did not keep him, and his thoughts of where he came from. But I am pretty sure he has a great mom who helped him through those thoughts and feelings. He seems to have turned out to be a very kind person.
10/20/2018 2:28 PM

I was very lucky that my son’s Afamily was supportive of me and not afraid to add me to the family.
10/20/2018 1:45 PM

It has been a strange experience, but don’t regret it. wish my birthdaughter was in a different place, has many issues despite great adoptive parents.
10/20/2018 1:18 PM

I missed the 1st 21 years of his life, but have been able to have him for 28 years in reunion. It’s been a blessing, but not an easy journey. I thank him for being brave enough to find me and wanting to remain in my life. I now am a full g’ma to his 9 year old son, the biggest blessing of all.
10/20/2018 7:25 AM

It was incredible to work through so many unresolved emotions. I now feel more confident and worthy. I feel my daughter retains most of the power in our relationship and I follow her lead.
10/20/2018 6:51 AM

You realise what other feel or think is not important. I should have fought. I wish I had. Huge regret.
10/20/2018 6:40 AM

I finally had my life start. I found all sorts of adoption information, where previous felt I was the only one, I sure the Catholic Church for now I was treated, a Jesuit taking my son for what I found were his good friends and influential people….I went from spending my days searching, to thinking how it happened…I finally woke up after 46 years.
10/20/2018 5:08 AM

It has been a roller coaster, but I love my son unconditionally. I believe we are both thrilled to be reunited. I was young and stupid and received no help or counseling. My son gave me a copy of a court case for his adoption. I am quoted in the transcript but was never in court😂 i hate having relinquishd my child. Itshould not happen.
10/20/2018 4:52 AM

I think reunion has helped me to care about myself more and to realize that I am a good, kind, and loving person. It has been a relief to be free from secrecy and shame
10/20/2018 4:17 AM

It has been an arduous, difficult reunion. I am still happy to know her, but the years of separation make it difficult to maintain a Relationship with her. Also, her anger and resentment for years was directed at me, nearly ended our reunion. We were saved only by the suicide of her 14 year old daughter. Even trying to navigate her daughter’s loss was beyond complicated. I told her once I wish we could be what we started out to be… mother and daughter. Relinquishment WAS the single worst decision of my life, and I regretted it everyday for 50 years. She and I were both badly damaged by adoption, as was her birth father, who committed suicide also. We both spent many years in therapy to manage our grief and loss. I would never suggest, ever, to anyone that they relinquish … we must a better job at family preservation.
10/20/2018 3:37 AM

Although we have good relationship I am not considered as grandparent to my grandchildren.
10/19/2018 9:54 PM

Finding my son was a dream come true. Our reunion is on social media for now and I long for more.
10/19/2018 9:33 PM

The best thing to ever happen to me/us. I’m so happy to have had the opportunity to get to know him.
10/19/2018 7:40 PM

I was so elated and happy at first. My daughter wrote me the most beautiful and loving letter before we actually met for the first time thanking me for loving her enough to want to give her a better life. Then something changed, what, I don’t know, she won’t share that with me. It breaks my heart that she doesn’t want contact with me, but there is nothing else I can do as I don’t wish to force myself on her. I hope one day she will change her mind.
10/19/2018 5:39 PM

it has expanded and enriched my life and hers immeasurably. we are like clones of each other, as alike as two people can be and understand the tragedy of being separated. we do all we can to make the most of life together. i think, if it was possible, she’d have me live with her or definitely near her!!! a piece of me that i lost has been returned to me. we belong together.
10/19/2018 3:32 PM

Reunion brought out so many feelings that I had stuffed away. I was never allowed to talk about giving birth to my son, not allowed time to grieve for him being adopted-it was as if he never existed. I had detached from so many feelings until he found me. I was overwhelmed with so many thoughts, memories and feelings upon reunion. Also, I learned that there had never been an adoption and that my son had been sold thru the black market. The attorney I was referred to by the unwed mothers home was considered a baby broker. My son had always been mine. I wish I would have had some one to walk beside me and to have helped me at this time in my life.
10/19/2018 2:18 PM

The US needs to apoligize for taking our babies and make reparations so that mothers-in-hiding no longer live in fear and shame and that mothers and their children can receive appropriate counseling to form positive reunions
10/19/2018 2:13 PM

It has enriched my life and complicated it and is worth everything.
10/19/2018 2:06 PM

provided a missing piece in my heart and gave me peace about him. His adoptive parents did a good job and he was well provided for. I left the face to face reunion feeling very grateful.
10/19/2018 1:58 PM

Absolutely profoundly affected everything — I feel so much love and am so grateful to know her, and I admire her so much. I feel profound guilt over giving her away and because her life growing up was harder than my other children’s. I am still grieving the loss of my baby as well as the loss of knowing her for 30 years, which I didn’t recognize as grief for a long time. I was in therapy and saw psychiatrists when I became suicidal and nobody mentioned that my feelings might be due to being in reunion with a daughter that I’d put up for adoption. I didn’t know that this was what other mothers experience. Psychiatrists thought that since I had been dealing with it so well for decades (apparently) there must be another cause for my mood swings. I was sent for a CT scan to see if my cancer had spread to my brain. I still don’t know how to deal with guilt or grief and probably never will. But now I understand that these emotions are part of reunion and that while I may never have relief from them, I’m not crazy. I am so deeply grateful to know my daughter, to know that she has a husband and children that she loves, to know that she is safe now. To be able to send her a recipe or hear about her daughter’s report card. My life has been disrupted, though, as I have had incapacitating depression at times. My other children have changed their understanding of who I am (not just because I’d placed a child for adoption and kept her a secret, but because I became a wreck). I don’t feel I know what kind of person I am anymore, I lost faith in myself as a good person because I feel that I’d given my baby away due to a view of adoption that was rosier than the reality, and because I listened to people who persuaded me that I couldn’t raise her. Why didn’t I fight harder? Why did I think “not being selfish” was a good thing? But — I know that in the next hour, I’ll probably hear from her. That is everything.
10/19/2018 1:30 PM

It devastated me, physically and mentally. Broke my heart. I thought if she looked, it would mean she wanted me in her life. She didn’t. Just felt obligated.
10/19/2018 1:13 PM

It is what I waited for and what I promised him.
10/19/2018 12:00 PM

Most people only think about the find. You need to think about after the find.
10/19/2018 11:55 AM

It change my whole life
10/19/2018 11:43 AM

It has been rather sad that he has no contact with me. He married a year after we met. I did not get invited to his wedding. His adoptive father was his best man which I found rather strange. His spouse was very receptive to the reunion but has not made any contact with me since. I asked to meet his parents and he said he would arrange a date and I never heard from him. I’ve asked for a copy of the birth certificate but he never gave me a copy. I’ve asked for picture of him with no response. Seems like he wants nothing to do with me. I’m rather confused about his relationship with me. He was to meet 3 of the 5 of my children but he never showed. Most likely was to terrified to meet them. Also when he has children he most likely will not tell me. He wasn’t a mistake but adoption was. 😦
10/19/2018 11:13 AM

I do believe that personal and professional support is vital to maintain a positive reunion. The range of emotions reunion throws at you are so hard because adoption in itself is not natural or normal. So the reactions of seeing the child you lost as a grown up and seeing their hurt and dealing with your own emotions of both love and grief for what was lost is inhumanly hard. I am not sure whether we could have remained in reunion without mol support groups and therapy. And that is a scary thought to lose him again. I am still trying to learn where I actually fit in. I will not let go again. Ever.
10/19/2018 11:10 AM

No, everything is working well on our comfort levels
10/19/2018 10:43 AM

My son and I have awkward emotions about my parents (although we’re close), as they forced the adoption against my will.
10/19/2018 10:41 AM

After 15 years, I remain unable to describe what reunion has done to me. Tye enormity of our loss continues to destroy my soul.
10/19/2018 10:35 AM

I did not realize that she would be so indifferent to me or that she would use me to get money and other support. She never calls or emails; she has not been to my home in 6 years. We still go to see her every year but only stay for two days. We never stay at her home (she has no room). But in the last year she has started to introduce me as her mom. We have been reunited 20 years. I was disappointed to realize that she would not want to know anything about me or my family. I have accepted that she does not want to really participate in my family. My anger has softened and I am channeling my energy into adoption activism.
10/19/2018 9:43 AM

Freed up a lot of suppressed feelings. I don’t think I would have had my daughter if I hadn’t met my son. No matter what you find out always better to know. Son’s adoption not happy.
10/19/2018 7:07 AM

Reunion took a few years to sink in, and was fraught with anxiety because my ex and my daughter did not get on. My daughter loves her new step father, as do my grandchildren love their grandpa. It has been a wonderfully fulfilling time, with many laughs, tears and shouting in the first 8 years. But we are a very close family unit now, though living 500kms apart, we Skype often and my daughter visits with the children twice a year. I still wish I had raised her, though financially I know that would have been impossible.
10/19/2018 3:36 AM

It’s a process that takes time, I think.
10/19/2018 3:12 AM

Losing my son to adoption stole my confidence as a person. Reunion, while mostly wonderful, intensified that feeling. It is painful that he doesn’t acknowledge me wholeheartedly as his mom, that he doesn’t spend holidays with us, that we don’t have the relationship we should have had. Though our reunion is “very good” by most standards, it has brought me some of my highest highs and lowest lows. I feel certain I love my son on a cellular level, but not sure how deep his feeling are for me.
10/19/2018 1:44 AM

Glad I’m through the first years & the difficult emotions have ceased. I have peace in knowing I did what was best.
10/19/2018 1:11 AM

Learning about the adoptive parents has reinforced that I should never have placed her for adoption. Reunion caused me to realize all that I lost.
10/19/2018 12:27 AM

It was brutal but so worth it. I still know it can end at anytime for any reason if you look at others outcomes. I appreciate it one day at a time. My sister left me money when she died. That allows me to see my daughter three times a year. I have only been invited to come see her once. All the other times I invite myself or pay for them to meet me at my home or another spot. $$$ sire helps. If I was poor we wouldn’t see each other much. She doesn’t talk to me on the phone except in rare instances. Maybe two or three times a year we FaceTime or talk on the phone. We text several times a week. Once I made it organic things flowed much better. I was a crazy woman for the first few years. I was pretty good with her but I was so grief stricken I had trouble working. I couldn’t focus. I could only think about and read about and advocate about adoption and family preservation. I was so angry and so sad and destroyed that I lost this precious woman. It was absolutely devastating. After about three or four years things started to calm down in my heart and my head. The silent screaming stopped. I could work again. I’m really lucky I have a lovely kind fun charming daughter. Damn I wish I raised her! Not yo sound obnoxious but she really is just like me. I’m blessed with a good disposition and she got that from my DNA. I love her so much.
10/19/2018 12:01 AM

I did not realize what a trauma adoption had been for me until reunion.
10/18/2018 11:31 PM

Totally destroyed my life
10/18/2018 10:47 PM

It has been wonderful having my son back. His father and I married and had more children. Our family is complete and restored. I deeply regret letting others coerce me into giving my son up. He belongs with his own people. I will work to promote family preservation.
10/18/2018 8:39 PM

Reunion has been the most amazing experience ever. I love my son so much and I’m grateful he returns that love. I think we both experience a confusing mix of grief for what we missed together. The confusing part is that his adoptive mom and dad are wonderful parents and they love him and he loves them. I love them too because he is the center of their world but at the same time I regret placing him and wish just one person had suggested to me another way back then. It’s amazing and the best thing that’s ever happened to me! It still feels very surreal.
10/18/2018 8:15 PM

Yes–I could suddenly do things again/began doing things again that, for years, I hadn’t. Specifically, travel to nearby mountains, vacations, etc., trying things like learning to ski, and moving forward and being more whole /wider in my interests than I’d been for those years.
10/18/2018 8:05 PM

How to explain 18 years of nothing then meeting a grownup. I still yearn for my only child AND my younger self.
10/18/2018 7:53 PM

When i was pregnant with my daughter I was in a unwed mothers home. And the day she was born it was love at first sight. We were suppose to live with my mother. Who was a alcoholic and was drunk. So the agency (Salvation Army) found me and my daughter a foster home, since I was only a 16yr. old myself. I was with my daughter for 3 months when I decided she deserved so much more. So I was the one who decided to place her… it was a closed adoption. And after the papers were signed. I placed the adoption in the hands of God. 40 years later God granted us a miracle and we reunited. That was 2014 and I know it was the hand of God. Since when I signed the adoption papers I was raised to believe my maiden name was Jack. Only to find out later it wasn’t Jack at all it was Chingman. So when my daughter found me 40 years later I knew it was meant to be… Also her biological dads name wasn’t suppose to be mentioned. Where it said father’s name it should of said father unknown. Since he gave up his rights while I was at the unwed mothers home. But I did tell the caseworker his name. So maybe that’s how that all worked out. I don’t know but I do know the hand of God was there.
10/18/2018 7:09 PM

Reunion is not a lifetime movie with a happy ending for me. We are reunited but only (I think) because I keep pushing for a relationship.
10/18/2018 6:47 PM

No, I don’t have the words.
10/18/2018 6:26 PM

This reunion has gone on for over 25 years. The first few years were a honeymoon, then the real problems came out. She was married 4 times and she has a lot of problems stemming from her childhood that have been played out. She walked away from me for four years then came back. She has had a negative effect on my other three children as well as difficult for me. I deeply regret placing her for adoption.
10/18/2018 4:24 PM

I was a shell of a person with my absent son always beside me in my awareness. When we reunited I became substantial again, a real human being. Before then I felt like it didn’t really matter what happened to me.
10/18/2018 3:16 PM

Hollywood acts like reunion is the happy ending. It’s not at all. It’s a complicated beginning to a chapter that two people could write if those two people could find themselves on the same page at any given point in time, but given their different life experiences and ages, they seldom do. It changed my life for the better by giving me a chance to see and know and hug my son — but it also forced me to come to terms with the hard truth I tried so hard to avoid: That even though I brought him into this world, I will never be “his mother.” It’s like living in two worlds at the same time — and yet, I would not trade the past 21 years for anything. Knowing him and his children is greater than any of the difficulties. I’m still unpacking the meaning of it all and will be for the rest of my life.
10/18/2018 2:49 PM

Emotional pain. Have needed therapist help. Hated the lies and secrecy. My mother made the choice for me.
10/18/2018 12:52 PM

I am finally at peace and have been extremely active in adoption reform since 1991.
10/18/2018 12:43 PM

I expected, and felt, resolution. I didn’t expect that my maternal feelings for my other adult children would intensify. Now I realize that my relationship with them was always guarded to a degree, overshadowed by guilt or a feeling that I didn’t deserve to have them.
10/18/2018 12:37 PM

It has made me question my ability to solve problems. Not being able to make things right
10/18/2018 12:12 PM

Came out of the adoption fog
10/18/2018 11:43 AM

It was a wonderful reunion for about 11 years and then she suddenly pulled back. It’s been very difficult to deal with because it feels like I’m losing her all over again.
10/18/2018 11:41 AM

It has made me very aware that we both lost out.
10/18/2018 11:19 AM

Reunion helped my son and his siblings. Reunion both kntegrated and also tore my life apart . It is highly traumatic and impacting, as is adoption. Invasive and brutal. On a cellular level. Adoption is institutionalised mother rape.
10/18/2018 11:16 AM

Seek counseling before and during
10/18/2018 10:55 AM

It has bern a roller coaster of emotions! I have found out , but suspected, recently that she is an alcoholic. So, in the past she has been receptive then, suddenly it will be , leavd me alone etc. Her Aparents are not receptive to the reunion. So that makes my daughter feel guilty everytime she talks to me. We have only met once. She has never met my siblings etc. Even though she had said once she wanted too. We live in different countries so that doesn’t help. Reunion is hard but I don’t regret it.
10/18/2018 10:35 AM

Reunion has changed my life, my heart has been healed. The empty place filled. I lived in silent shame and pain for 43 years. While I still have pain and grief for all that I have lost, I no longer have shame or guilt. My secret has been brought to light and it’s amazing how it has healed me. I was unable to show emotion before this, I was a stoic. I now know, with the help of counseling and an amazing husband, that emotions are good and necessary for a healthy life.
10/18/2018 8:49 AM

It has made me absolutely complete. A hole has been filled. I’ve loved every minute of it. It has made me a better wife and mother to all my kids.
10/18/2018 8:47 AM

Many conflicting emotions, “roller coaster,” it wouldn’t ever change it!
10/18/2018 8:37 AM

it had put my mind at ease – he is a lovely young man and happy – It has healed the unknown hole that I have had – the unknown is now known
10/18/2018 8:23 AM

I’m finally able to move on. It took 36 years.
10/18/2018 8:13 AM

Reunion resurged strong emotional feelings of sadnesses. It is emotionally complex. Receiving peace of mind that they are alive & well is a deep breathe of comfort.
10/18/2018 8:12 AM

It has made my heart and life whole again.
10/18/2018 7:41 AM

Made me more content
10/18/2018 7:41 AM

Reuniting with my daughter has been the greatest joy of my life! She and I have been reunited for over 8 years and have a really good relationship. Even as good as it’s been though, reunion has also been the one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was truly a roller coaster at the beginning. I started therapy one month into reunion and continue to go until this day. I had a very supportive spouse, friends and found terrific online support as well. However I no longer speak to my parents as they were not supportive of me and some family members and acquaintances were also not supportive. Also on the plus side, my daughter is amazing! Her husband, friends and adoptive family have also been supportive. I feel like everything went right for me in reunion and it was still very hard.
10/18/2018 5:00 AM

Reunion has been one of the most beautiful experiences in my life.
10/17/2018 11:38 PM

Hardest thing I have ever done, best thing that has ever happened. Reunion allowed me to face the reality of the loss of him, to heal deep wounds that had been effecting every aspect of my life. The saying “and the truth shall set you free” is so very true!!
10/17/2018 11:26 PM

It brought up alot of the grief over losing my newborn son that I was not able to process in our current society at the time of loss. To protect myself from the unbearable, relentless pain I had held on to a hope all these years that the reunion would make everything all better. But it is far more complicated than that and it did not. Reunion is a process. I feel after our first reunion I was finally able to start the grieving process. I also learned that my son lost a lot as well from our separation. I have tried to hear adoptees voices, hear their stories, and use what I’ve learned to offer him whatever he needs, whenever he asks, to help him heal hos fractured identity; whether that be medical information, or characteristics he shares with different family members; encouragement to listen to his heart in all endeavors, and to know that he is beautiful human being deserving of love and all the joys life has to offer.
10/17/2018 10:33 PM

It has negatively affected my ability to concentrate at work and control my emotions in a professional setting. I am “woke” to all that I missed and the damage that adoption did to my mental health and well-being.
10/17/2018 9:30 PM

If you go into it expecting any healing…. Its not going to happen. I was unprepared for the massive highs and lows. Especially the lows. It caused a crisis of identity.
10/17/2018 8:18 PM

I am very happy to have finally found my daughter, however she is very angry, and unwilling to bend. Unwilling to read about the effects of separation of mother and child.
10/17/2018 7:28 PM

I’m sad.
10/17/2018 7:21 PM

Being in reunion is completely life changing. I am so happy to be in reunion. I think it has saved my life. But I know I couldn’t have done it without therapy and the support of my husband and family, and the love of all of my children, including the child I relinquished. It is difficult with so many emotions and realizations, but it’s worth it.
10/17/2018 6:56 PM

The reunion has allowed me to face and finally heal from the pain.
10/17/2018 6:51 PM

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